My Biography:
My mother died fairly young as a result of complications when I was born. The only memories I have of my mother are entirely dependent upon a few photographs and Papa’s descriptions of her. He would always tell me she was the most graceful woman he had ever seen, and until she became pregnant with me she had dreamed of going to Moscow to dance with the professional ballet company there. Papa says she could have made it. She danced even when she was pregnant with me, pirouetting around the kitchen and humming to me. I think I want so badly to be a dancer because I feel guilty and responsible for her death; I often think that if I wasn’t here, my mother would be a famous dancer in Moscow. Papa says I have mother’s grace and demeanor, and I have come to the realization that ballet is an expression of my soul.
I came to work here because I knew Papa could no longer afford to support both me and himself, and I am old enough to be married, so why shouldn’t I be working? If I save enough, I will eventually be able to go to Moscow? I feel I must at least try for the professional ballet, otherwise I know I will be letting both myself and mother down.
Work isn’t really that bad, anyhow; I am lucky enough to be working in a house full of artists. Being constantly surrounded by them and their friends I know I won’t lose sight of my dream of Moscow. These artists are some of the most intricate people; they are never satisfied with themselves or their work, and I am so intrigued by their desire to further their art! It makes my life more interesting and I don’t mind working so hard when I think that one day my life might be like theirs. Sometimes I sit for hours in wonderment at the thought that one day I, too, will have my chance to further my art of dance. I began dancing as a way to feel connected to my mother, but it has slowly become an outlet for expressing my emotions. Perhaps it’s just a silly dream, but working towards something I want so badly makes everything go by faster and work seem so much easier.
Svetlana and I often talk about what life would be like if we were famous in Moscow like Arkadina or Trigorin. I don’t know; sometimes it seems as if these people don’t appreciate all they have. I wonder if the mark of a true artist is ignorance of your success? Perhaps someday I will find out for myself!
University of Puget SoundGretchen Haley, University of Puget Sound dramaturgy scholar and production dramaturg for The Seagull, created this site with the help of company members. It has been revised by Lori Ricigliano.